Are you using personification on purpose in your stories? What if you could say MORE in fewer words?
In this article, I'll show you how by breaking down an excerpt from a published romance book.
Crafting strong line-level prose is about more than "sounding good". You might be a writer who is naturally skilled at penning a clever turn of phrase. Or you might focus on your hero and story arcs first, then refine the prose-level details in your line editing pass.
The way you craft your author brand voice is less important than the nuance you weave into it.
Skilled storytellers know how to eek the absolute most oomph out of the simplest phrases.
And one of the most powerful line-level tools in your storytelling toolkit is personification.
Read on for inspiration and an example!
What is personification?
Most simply, personification is when human traits—feelings, emotions, actions, etc—are attributed to non-human things, like ideas, animals, or objects. There are a ton of ways to use personification in literature, and today's excerpt showcases how a single line of prose can amplify both a hero's characterization and the story world itself.
But first, here are a few quick examples of personification to get us started...
A house might perch on a hill.
A door (or its hinges) might protest.
A car might guzzle gas.
The sun might retreat (say, behind a mountain at sunset).
In all of these examples, the verb action attributed to the non-human noun is impossible in the strictest sense of the word. A house has no legs, so it cannot "perch" or sit in the way we, as humans, would. A door has no voice and no way to express body language, so it cannot protest. A car does not have a throat, and while it does consume gasoline, that consumption is a chemical process rather than a physical action. And the sun's movement is actually just our perception of its location, determined by cosmic forces outside of itself, so it cannot run away to get out of sight.
Most importantly, none of the nouns in these examples have the necessary personal autonomy to perform the action that the prose describes.
But humans relate to the world around us in a self-centric way. We use our own experiences to explain how things outside of our own bodies work. So we often use (and understand) personification instinctively.
That's why personification is such a powerful tool you can harness in your own storytelling.
A subtle example with dual effect
Hollie Smurthwaite is a paranormal author I've worked with in my small group programs who has a real knack for writing humor with heart. So when she published the book It's Raining Men, it went straight to the top of my TBR. This book is fun as it looks. I mean, that cover... *heart eyes*
In the very first chapter of the book, Hollie sets up both characterization and worldbuilding using just one sentence with personification:
The wind picked up and pushed dark clouds across the few visible stars in the sky. A strange shiver ran up her back, incongruent on such a hot night.
Here, we're introduced to the heroine, Sahara, as she's walking her dog, just before the sky literally starts raining men. Hollie portrays the wind as pushing the clouds. The word "push" inspires images of ghostly hands or an unseen force repositioning the clouds with intent.
That's the basic personification, but here's how she uses it strategically:
The personification itself is simple. The wind pushes the clouds.
But the power of the prose comes from how the surrounding words and phrases build on that simple statement and translate it into a human experience.
On its own, that one small section is effective. But read it again with the paragraph that comes just before it in the chapter:
She'd had a knack for finding his lost items, but she wasn't a psychic and had no idea where his watch might be now. Or why he'd think she'd be interested in locating it for him if she did. Should she tell him to check behind the dresser? No, this was a ruse to lure her back.
The wind picked up and pushed dark clouds across the few visible stars in the sky. A strange shiver ran up her back, incongruent on such a hot night.
Now we get an inkling that the story world likely contains some sort of magic. And that the heroine has a "knack" for finding lost items. If we took that one description completely out of context, we might assume it meant nothing, that the heroine is just occasionally lucky.
But then Sahara directly denies having any psychic ability. And to an eagle-eyed reader, that one denial—especially combined with the knack for finding things and the spooky feel of the personification—is a clear sign of foreshadowing. This heroine is either...
Already a psychic—or has some sort of power—but doesn't know it yet.
Or she will gain psychic powers during the story itself.
One of those does turn out to be true. But I won't spoil it for you.
And, as a lovely bonus, the entire story is a beautiful allegory for what non-romance readers THINK romance is—"lady porn", where women just play out hot sex fantasies with stereotypical, unrealistically perfect men—but instead leans into what the genre is REALLY about by flipping the gender script.
Because the true power of romantic fiction is in showing that people falling in love is human. That love itself is about opening ourselves up to the connections that come from not only physical intimacy, but deep friendship, respect, and emotional vulnerability.
This book is clever and witty and right on the nose. Read It's Raining Men by Hollie Smurthwaite to see more of Hollie's storytelling skills in action and find out for yourself just what kind of paranormal Sahara actually is. (Hint: It's pretty freaking cool!)
Join the Story Sorcery™ Society, just for published romance writers
If you are a published romance writer who is looking for a small, supportive group of open-minded peers who truly get you (because they're walking the same path and understand your unique struggles), join the waitlist for the Story Sorcery™ Society.
Screenshot of the waitlist signup page for the Story Sorcery™ Society
The 3-month pilot launch of this program begins in early April 2025, and I am currently accepting applications for Founding Membership. As of posting this article, this program is the only way to work with me 1:1 or in a small-group capacity.
Click here to read the full description and find out if this program is right for you:
Thoughts? Let's discuss!
Have you read It's Raining Men?
Do you love using personification in your own stories?
What was your biggest takeaway from this article?
Leave a comment below, and tell me what you think!
(Psst! Email me directly if you have questions about the Story Sorcery™ Society. Be sure to read the full waitlist description first, because there's tons of details there.)
